Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Beatnik Turtle Threatened by Rival Band

After Beatnik Turtle became a featured artist of the week on ReverbNation, the Turtle-neck Beets, a rival nerd-rock band from the Skokie, IL, has declared an "all out band war" on Beatnik Turtle. Several of the Turtle-neck Beets band members, Jacob Payton, Rudy Trechbul, and Tim Lasso, called Beatnik Turtle on the evening of August 19th, 2008 from basement of Payton's mom's house, where they hang-out.

Payton said, "You stupid Beatnik Turtles have gone too far! We are the innovators - Not you. We deserve to be featured band of the week on ReverbNation. We rock - You suck! You started The SongOfTheDay.com only after me and Rudy said there was no way you could do it - so that's ours. And that lame book thing is sooooo lame! Once we get a web site up and figure out how to use the internet, we are so gonna' trash you butt-heads."

"Yeah! Trash 'em!" added Trechbul.

Randy Chertkow of Beatnik Turtle then pointed out that the "lame book thing" explains how to get on the web and create a web presence. He also referred the Turtle-neck Beets to the Indie Band Survival Guide web site for more information. He went on to point out that a band must be on ReverbNation to even have a chance of being an artist of the week.

"Shut up!" responded Payton. Trechbul also added, "Yeah! Shut up!"

It was at this point that Lasso began chanting, "Band war," repeatedly in the background which continued until the end of the call.

The call concluded with Payton declaring, "an all out band war," and advising the members of Beatnik Turtle to, "Watch your backs the next time you’re on stage."

"Yeah! Watch out!" Trechbul confirmed.

When asked what that meant exactly, Payton and Trechbul began giggling feverishly and hung up.

If anyone sees or has information on the whereabouts of the members of the Turtle-neck Beets, please do not approach them and contact Beatnik Turtle immediately.

4 comments:

  1. That's right. Be on the lookout for the Turtle-Neck Beets. Meanwhile, while you are distracted, those of us in the Hippy Hippopotami will take the Occasional Accordian hostage! We demand a 21 kazoo salute to Harvey (our band leader) on your next album or Harry will make the Accordian into a Harmonica!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Henry (but you can call me Tometheus)August 20, 2008 at 11:02 AM

    That's right. Be on the lookout for the Turtle-Neck Beets. While you are distracted, those of us in the Hippy Hippopotami will take the Occasional Accordian hostage! We demand a 21 kazoo salute to Harvey (our band leader) on your next album or Harry (the Hornblower) will turn the Accordian into a Harmonica!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey!
    They'd better watch them selves. Or we'll have to resort to drastic measures! Allegory, Hyperbole, Dramatic Irony, Flashback, and if all else fails, we'll sneak into their Mom's basement and steal hthe fuses out of their amps!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Did you also tell them that you kicked the asses of the Ninja Turtle to take the title of all encompassing Turtle. The last word in Turtle, no less!

    Keep Rockin' dudes. Great stuff!

    ReplyDelete